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October 06 2017

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what if mayonnaise came in cans

that would suck because you can’t microwave metal…

good morning to everyone except these two people

October 05 2017

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Стучать не учили? Здесь вообще то занято!

“Did no one teach you to knock? This is occupied!”

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October 04 2017


i could never be the victim in the horror movie that gets the ominous phone calls because i just literally do not answer the phone ever

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Run Away With Me - Carly Rae Jepsen

*sax intro*

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a guide to the white girl's "sexy" dance




  • sway hips in a figure 8 motion
  • do this while bending the knees into a squat position
  • come back up
  • raise arms above head
  • look at armpit seductively
  • put hands in hair
  • don’t pay attention to the beat
  • at all
  • this is your dancefloor
  • you rule the school, Megan
  • swing those hips, you sexy bitch


October 03 2017



Yesterday I went to dinner to catch up with my buddy from the math department, and he told me this story about how he ran the city marathon in 2 hours, 59 minutes. That’s an amazing time. He was 19th out of thousands. 

He was doing pretty well for the first half, but then his ankle started to hurt. He slowed down for a bit, but then this girl he passed before passed him, and he started overthinking whether or not it was awkward to pass the same person multiple times, and, like, what if they small-talked about it? He decided it was better to pass her and stay ahead, so he picked up the pace. A few miles later, he fell in with two dude-bros who started talking to him. Not pleased to find himself in the company of dude-bros, he pulled ahead once again. This continued for a while; every time he got closed to a group of other marathoners, his social anxiety kicked in and he ran faster because he felt nervous being near people. 

TL;DR A mathematician ran an record marathon to avoid making small-talk with randos. He introverted his way into qualifying for the Boston marathon. 

“It’s lonely at the top–”



should I go to school tomorrow or nah

what would nicki minaj say

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how’s everybody doing

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The hero America needs, but not the one it deserves

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October 02 2017

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